Remember when this was taken?November 2008.

You people have no idea how long it took me to compose this post.

This is not some post that I suddenly got bored one night and said'why don't I blog about him?'

and hopped off to blog about him.NO! It is not like that.

You have no idea how long I've been thinking about this post.

Erm, maybe since I left you?A year ago.

I am truly sorry that i left you,Amirul.

I never meant to hurt you.

I honestly thought we might last till today.

Its my fault that it didn't happen.

I am the one who left.

Thank you so much for helping me for all this time.

The changes in you made me want to avoid you. You were suddenly this annoying and obnoxious jerk that i never knew.Not the sweet, intelligent and caring guy i knew.So I left because I couldn't tolerate the new you.Yet, I still blame myself till today for not accommodating you.

It wasn't all sunny on my side when I left you. Forgetting you was the hardest part. You weren't like all my other ex which i could just forget easily because they are quite distant from me. But you were there all the time, Geography, maths,English,Malay and others classes. I tried so hard to put on a poker face and ignoring all the noise you made in class. I felt as though I stabbed my own heart but very very slowly when i tried to look at you.

Every time I looked at you, memories would rush in.

KOREA.HOLIDAYS.OUR LONG PHONECALLS.etc

I admit that I tried to get rid of everything that reminded me of you.

Opted for a different class.

Gave back your shirt.

Threw away the identical ripcurl bag.

Deleted all the utterly sweet messages you sent.

If I could avoid school, I would.

I also left you because we were getting too close. That made me terrified.

I felt awkward when you suggested if we could be together.

Realise that I somehow break up with you and still wanted to be near you?

Being your friend, was my sick and twisted way of us being together.

Every time the thought of me leaving you was painful for me.

And when i actually did it and remember when I did it, tears would roll down my cheeks.

I bet you are wondering why I am doing it here rather than saying it in your face. Fine, I have no guts to say in person or I am afraid that when you hear the words from my mouth, you`ll just ignore me like what I did to give me a taste of my own medicine.I dearly hope you are reading this.

Forgive me?